Part 21: Update Twenty: Bridge On The River Die

Update Twenty: Bridge On The River Die

Welcome back! Last time, on Chrono Trigger, we did a bunch of talking and found out things have gone to shit since we were last in 600 AD. Today, we're going to cross a bridge and do some more talking, so let's bounce.







And it seems in the time we went to go get some beef jerky, things went even further into shit. I guess we shouldn't have waited for teriyaki flavor.

Also, expect me to not forget music links this update. I think I forgot them the last couple of updates.





Were we assholes, we could choose not to give him this food. But I don't think you can progress until you do.



"And it's teriyaki flavor! There is a God!"



Even through these little bits of dialog, you can see that the relationship between the Commander and Master of Kitchens is strained, but we don't know why. Something about these two doesn't mesh.



The Commander turns from us, looking down the bridge. Something terrible has happened while we were gone, but we can't see the destruction ourselves.



Hey, buddy, that's no way to be talking.



And shit has hit the fan down the bridge. Seriously, you can hear shit exploding and people getting shanked.



Wait, they just now launched their attack? What the hell killed those other guys?



Their order, by the way, is the Knights of the Square Table. Were I better at finding NPCs and their dialog, we would have seen that before.





There are four of you guys. You'll need some help.



I just imagine this guy sounding like Eeyore. "Okay, Commander, I'll go and let them rip my entrails out for whatever dark ritual they're planning."









It won't stay that way for long, bud.





As a kid, I always imagined the Commander taking the helmet off his own head to give to Chrono to help him stay safe. I'm not sure why, since I think the Commander still plans on fighting.



The battle theme kicks in here, letting you know it's time to rock this joint.



Still, Chrono slaps on his new solid gold pimp helmet, and readies himself for battle.





Alright, two Skeletons. They can handle this.



...Well, maybe I overestimated their abilities...



But before we can take revenge for those fallen soldiers, we meet somebody new.



This chunky green lizard comes floating on-screen. And if you'll recall, we've already seen someone like him before, in Medina. Ozzie VIII ran that village, and here we're meeting the original.



Ozzie is another great example of sprite work in this game.





For now, we've two Skeletons and Ozzie himself to tangle with.



The Skeletons attack by flying at you with their spears, and they zip across the screen like they were shot out of a cannon.



It does a little bit of damage.



Skeletons also don't give a flying fuck about your physical attacks, so be sure to bust out that magic to take them down.



They have 110 HP and absorb Shadow, which is why I didn't bring Robo around.



After dropping the Skeletons, you can hit Ozzie to end the fight. I think you can also hit him at any point during the fight to achieve the same effect, and if you don't hit him, the fight will still end.



But hitting him is recommended, as you get to see this expression.



Damned right you are.





And with that, he flees down the bridge, so we give chase.



Marle, you have a crossbow. You could have plugged him in the back.





Mother of God, three Skeletons!? How will we survive!?







The other two were blasted to smithereens by a bolt of lightning and a block of ice.





I tried to think of a pickle pun here, but I'm not good at that sort of thing.





But running away is kind of Ozzie's bread and butter.



She raises a good point here, Ozzie.





I don't see anything--



Holy crap, he's made a Skelenado. And I sincerely hope no SyFy writers are reading this thread, since I can see that as their next original movie. Or if they are, at least give me a credit.







Are you ready for a boss fight? Because I'm ready for a boss fight.



"I am Zombor! Kelly Zombor!"





For a video of this boss fight, click here.



This is another multi-part boss, but the parts may not be what you expect.



You might be thinking that the two parts are the body and the head, but that is incorrect; you have the top and lower halves of Zombor to destroy.



And when you attack the lower half, you hit it dead in the crotch.



I recommend taking out the lower half first, as it has the lower HP of the two, at 800. It also absorbs Shadow and Water.



And I couldn't help but include a shot of Lucca lighting the crotch on fire.



The upper half absorbs Lighting and Fire, which is why it's handy to have Marle around. Plus, this fucker has a full party attack that Aura Whirl makes easy to recover from.



It has 960 HP to tear through.





Zombor can also light you on fuck-fire.



Which kind of hurts, as befitting being lit on fire.



But Chrono counters it, which is proving to me how valuable the Rage Band is.



This attack here is Zombor's strongest, and most dangerous.



Much like Nappa, he can charge energy in his mouth.



And blast you to smithereens with it.



Seriously, that shit hurts, and this is the full party attack I mentioned.



Interestingly enough, it appears the crotch feeds the energy to the mouth. I'm not sure how that works and I don't want to dwell on it.



Aura Whirl patches us up nicely, though.



One last gout of flame takes down the lower half of Zombor.



Each half has a counter for when it dies, and the lower half's is, in my opinion, the more dangerous of the two.



As it's the Annihilation Ray.



But, now, this fight simplified a bit. Chrono and Lucca can physically pour the damage on the upper half, while Marle continues to blast it with Ice.



And that Taban Vest is already paying off.





The upper half can pull a character in and use its ribs to repeatedly stab them.



Which deals a good bit of damage.



But the fight doesn't last long after that.



This counter is why I prefer taking out the lower half first; not only does it have the highly damaging counter, but this upper half will wipe out the MP of whoever killed it.





And since, after this, you head back to the world map, fixing that up is trivial. I'd rather eat the damage, fix that up, then have my MP stolen. Plus, the lower half has the fuckoff beam attack, and that threat needs to be removed as soon as possible.







We're in the southern part of the continent now, and that village there is Dorino. I'd end the update here, but it'd be kind of short.





The only new thing this shop has for sale is some Mid-Potions, but I only came in here to chat with this lady.





There's a ton of interesting dialog in this village and the next (which we'll also visit this update), so I'll be covering that.



"Stupid Mom, not wanting me to be disemboweled!"





Yeah, but he's not down for the count.



Hey, there's still a Queen to rule over the land.



And this drawer is locked, so there must be something good inside of it. We'll be back for that.






And another reference to this Cyrus fellow.



If he hasn't come around by now, he's probably not going to.





In here, Toma the Explorer is chatting with the Elder.



He's hired Toma to find the Rainbow Shell, which I'm sure is a valuable use of your time.







"Wait, you wanted me to start looking right now?"



Actually, Toma, I'm trying to talk to the Elder, but I'll catch up with you in a bit.



Hmm...The Masamune? Wielded by a Hero? Hey, Chrono, you use katanas and the Masamune is one of those...



Well, that'd be handy as hell to go and fight Magus with.



Probably, but I can't agree with fronting him a ton of money. You may want to hit the tavern and get some of that back.



I can't wait to meet this Hero.





That's why I came in here, ma'am.



Opposite of that, really. Also, assume I said something about having your women, outlander.



If you think you're noticing a trend with those names, you are. They're all famous musicians; Ozzie is a reference to Ozzy Osbourne, who was part of Black Sabbath and his own solo career, Flea is the name of the kickass bassist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, as well as a shitload of other bands, and Slash is one of the most well-known guitarists of all time, having been part of Guns N' Roses and a co-founder of Velvet Revolver.



As Magus' three generals, I would hope so.



Never mind that it's on an island, in an era where it seems like a solid boat could be hard to come by unless you run a monarchy.



But, don't worry, we'll find a way over there.



Now, buddy, I want you to go and step outside, and look over at the fucking Zenan Bridge. It's right there, go look; to get there from where they came from, the island to the east, they had to go past here. THEY WERE RIGHT OUTSIDE OF YOUR FUCKING DOOR, YOU STUPID WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS QUESTION



Yeah, I'm sure.



The Denadoro Mountains are the ones just east of this village. Can you guess where our next dungeon is?



This isn't why I talked to him.



This is; keep this in mind. This is actually pretty useful information to have, and it isn't mentioned anywhere else.



Toma wasn't bullshitting when he said he was going down the road for a drink.



And I can't imagine what a $30 drink looks like. I swear to God, Toma, if it's one of those vodka Redbulls...





There's also the possibility Toma had us pay his bar tab.



A frog, you say? This is valuable information, Toma.



Well, it'll take about 1,400 years, actually. You'll die long before you see Lavos.



And it probably won't be monsters that take you out.





Yeah, we might need his help.





Well, down to Porre we go.



But first, we'll stop here.



I'm sorry to hear that; sorry enough that I won't rob you.







The building next to this one is the Inn.



If you say so, pal.



Looks like he already has.





Maybe if you'd noticed this over here, you'd be able to function with that armor on. This goes to Chrono.



We can pick up some new stuff in the shop, namely some headgear for the ladies.



I leave Lucca with her new Vest for now, as the Speed bonus and Fire resistance is pretty nice.





This isn't the first we've heard of a strange creature around here.



Were I playing a Renegade Chrono, I'd slap you for this.





Well, no, I haven't. What's the good word?



Fuck you, guy.



Can someone tell me where the term "urchin" for naughty children comes from?



Can't say as I have.



So there's a cave that opens up and Fiends go through it...





I guess so, even though we just bought you one.



Much appreciated, Toma.



That didn't take you long.



...Then how the hell do you know it's on an island?



All gone? Toma, you've gone two hundred yards! How much did you drink in Dorino!?



Tata? Someone named their child that? Oh, Lord, how much does he get his ass kicked in school?





Hey, we can visit that kid's house.



That's right, some streetrat is the Hero.



And his dad is just basking in his son's glory.



Tata isn't here right now, though.



His grandfather is also pleased to know Tata is the Hero.





In here, this little girl wants to marry Tata.



If I had some, ma'am, I'd give it to you.



Boxes, you say?



Think we'll ever go there?



"Crackerjack should never have started making them part of their prize set."



We've definitely gotta find this kid.



He very well could use our help. I suppose we'll have to head over there and see if we can lend a hand.



I'll be back for you, treasure. I'll be back.



But for now, we'll be taking a break.

Next time, on Chrono Trigger, we'll be going through a new dungeon. And since we have the option, do you think I should take Robo along? BOLD a vote if you do, and be sure to mention who gets swapped out. Voting will last until...Uh, Friday sounds good. Whenever I get out of work, too. Granted, I don't know when that will be, or if I'll even work on Friday, but that sounds good to me.

See you next time!



BONUS EDIT

So, now, there was some discussion in the thread about unlocking that drawer in one of the Dorino houses. I went back and did just that, so here's what happens if you have the item you need to let that happen.



You may remember us finding this waaaaay back in the Cathedral. You may also remember Wikipedia telling us about bromides.




This is basically porn we're giving this old man. Porn of snake women who want to eat your face.



However, I can't knock him too much for his odd tastes, since I'm giving this to him. Chrono and crew traveled back in time to become smut peddlers.





He runs over to the locked dresser, and fiddles with it for a moment.



There's a pretty great treasure inside of the drawer.



But it doesn't quite help me fight the feelings of shame.



Ashamed of myself or not, Lucca gets another point into her Magic stat.